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  • Belinda Claveria

Why the desire to BE sexy, gets in the way of incredible orgasms.


Just imagine this, they're deep inside you, holding your arse, rocking your pelvis and you're listening to the sounds of your joined pleasure, but all you can think is-


"shit can they see my belly fat, if I act like I'm having an orgasm they'll think I'm turned on, I hope I look good if I do this, oh goodness I need to stay upright I look ugly like this"


Where are you in this moment? Are you connected to your breath? Are you feeling for your partner's heart, his breathing? What are you feeling in your own heart? Can you smell the sweat on their brow right now? Are you connected to the pulsations running through your system?


Orgasmic energy is like a writhing snake, it is wild, it runs in currents, it searches for spaces to move about.


It is loud, wild, free, undulating, passionate, exciting, heart opening and powerful.


As orgasmic energy moves out of the genitals and into the higher chakras it will dislodge memories, yearning, heart ache, loss and this doesn't always look beautiful. But your embodied expression of this pleasure, your yes, is sexy.


Trying to look pretty, is a construct that keeps you caught in the mind. Intimacy is a shared experience of the familiar. When we feel for the sensations in our body and breathe with our pleasure and move our arousal, we are communicating-


"I'm with you in this moment of power, in the surrender, feeling you in the urgency, in the ache". However, if your are in your head you are not with your partner but in a stream of thoughts about what should be or shouldn't be happening and not connected to your body.


Being stuck in the mind and obsessed with the performance of sex, is a big hinderance to exploration and play. Play doesn't know what's coming next, it's interested to explore what is coming next. Play is curious to know whats on the other side of this sensation, it's curious to explore how they respond to your touch, play wants you to take care of yourself in intimacy by feeling your edges of resistance, and trusting yourself on saying no or pulling back to your safety zone if you need it.


Play needs your presence.


A common side effect of excessive use of pornography, is that it can narrow your expression to a narrative of the kind of characters and facial gestures and actions that are not your own.

Yes pornography can be a great way of creating arousal. But like everything, in moderation.


I recommend exploring how you can embody different aspects of your sexuality by moving the embodiment of the seductress, the wild woman/man, the slut and the priestess/ magician to music.


Allow your own natural expression to move itself to life, whilst feeling how your body wants to respond to the music and incorporate self touch to illicit arousal. Try doing this in 2 ways:

* In front of the mirror

* Away from the mirror

- Notice what happens in these practices, observe your inner god/goddess and invite her into your world.


The first thing you should stop doing is trying to be a version of sexy.


Simply feel your body receiving and playing with the exchange of sexual intimacy. Your turn on, is a turn on.


One of the biggest killers to pleasure is our desire to control our expression to a perceived idea of what SEXY looks like. Find your own version and allow that to be seen, regardless of it's noises and movements. The most important thing is that your enjoying your pleasure. Bring that to your partner and see how it opens them to shared bliss.






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