Updated: Jan 26, 2021
"The hearts purpose it to open and love and break open and love and break open and love again and again and again...."
These words come to me, as I'm gently rocking myself with soft tears rolling down my face.
Profound words, that invites us all to dare again. It opens up my availability to trust in love, to my own healing, to staying soft and frankly to trusting in humans once again.
The key message from this quote is that the heart is pliable and repairable, tolerant and MADE for these moment.
I'm in the dunes doing my morning practice. Today I'm experiencing sadness, longing, yearning, heart ache, acceptance, self doubt and loss. It's a hit to my usual state of joy.
I'm big on positive thinking and meeting my potential. But I'm also an Embodied Therapist.
However, life isn't consistently easeful and predictable. It is cyclical and changeable and these moments, where I'm facing having to let someone special go, is an invitation for me to witness where I am not free. My emotions today are a map, that I want to allow some space for me to consciously go back over, without any blame but a loving compassionate insight, to peruse where I turned left where I should have turned right. And to allow the natural closure of something that may need refining or ending, which I may have placed to much anticipation and outcome on.
These moments of letting someone go, shows us what we want in life, what we stand for, where we may be experiencing some personal shadow or running a narrative that makes us believe we are anything less that love itself.
I know that it will all be ok, and so too, this moment will pass.
As I fell into my heart centre and quieten my mind, a calm moves over me and it is just me in this moment and this embodied truth so loud and clear- My heart hurts, it aches to met deeply in love and it won't give up. I commit to staying open, if I armour to trusting someone again, I cut myself off from life and from a huge amount of joy.
That's not safety, its fear dominating the show.
So I keep breathing into my heart centre, feeling the support of the warm sand under me,
I allow my chest to find it's natural rise and fall. These micro movements awaken further tears and I gently move where I feel a sensation that equates to fear and tension in my throat and belly, in an unwinding movement.
I won't harden up and shut down.
I remind myself that I've experienced a moment of magic and beauty, I touched this person's heart through my joy, feminine softness and my personal power. This is what he loved. I am that and completely normal and human in my moment of grief.
My commitment is to move through this moment with grace. This is what I'm here for, to grow and live in alignment with my truth. And to keep my body and my heart open.
For this to happen, I can't skip over these feelings and this moment. I need to allow the yearning to guide me towards courageous and conscious good decisions in the future.
To love is truly the warrior's path.
What would be worse, is regret.
That I didn't say things, allow myself to feel things, that I held back and missed a moment. And because of this, I trust that my tenderness will be remembered and we will meet again and in what form I don't know. It's just that in this moment it has changed, until another moment comes again.
It's an act of faith to leap into another person and not know the outcome. Like everything in life- there is no true certainty. We live in a forever changing environment.
We become stuck when we ATTACH to an outcome.
When we bring things from the past and try to control the future, we shut off possibility of magical things arising. By attaching to the outcome of our desire, we stop flow and experiences of beauty manifesting for the sake of beauty and growth. I have seen this with clients, who have held so tightly onto a concept of themselves and the life they believe they WOULD or SHOULD create.
If we get hooked on an outcome, we not only get sorely disappointed when it doesn't go that way, we can project a heap of resentment towards the other person or even LIFE ITSELF, for not meeting our expectation.
What this asks is to bring curiosity into THE MOMENT. What if this is ok? What if there is more to this than I can perceive? What if this is the way and it is different to how I thought my life would go? This is trust in action.
If we can trust that life has got us, that we are enough AND that there is an abundance of love as opposed to having the mindset of lack, then we can have a greater tenacity to break open and love and break open and love and break open once again. There is not a limit on how much love we have within us. It is infinite.
Don't get me wrong, it's necessary to have good communication around needs and desires, and a commitment to honesty and trust. But sometimes what we think we want is not actually what we need. Soul mates can show up in different forms, how good are you at letting go of their parameters...
Can you allow yourself to be available to everything- no limits of everything and nothing? If that was true then all you have is to commit 100% This is where the gold lies.
Its ok to hold within you, a deep desire, without form. But hold it, without an outcome of how it will actually look.
For example. I can hold a deep calling to be met. For someone that is just as courageous to walk into the fire, to hold his own and hold me. To be the sacred masculine, so that I can be in my sacred feminine from a place of total self love. Where my cup is already full, my heart alive and open, ready to journey this life dance of love, once again. But how that show's up is the alchemy that offers medicine to our BEING. The old paradigm of boy meet girls, gets married has kids and is complete is obsolete, useful, but not the ONLY form that an incredible quality relationship needs to look like.
These moments where we have to surrender and let go of someone, are an invitation to discovering our faith in ourselves, in love and life.
They reveal to us where we are stuck, and where we are beautiful and open. They are an invitation to feel where we are not free, an opportunity to feel where we have handed over our power and love outside of ourselves, to another because we have doubted our own loveability. Pain has a language, let it speak and listen with open ears.
Come to life full Beautiful ones. Let another be the icing on your cake.
May you find yourself in the eyes of a beloved and know that you are love and always have been.