Enter stage left- the ERECT COCK! There's a lot of pressure on men to perform at penis in vagina sex. Huge responsibility to create a crescendo moment, where the erection arrives and this is the moment...out comes the condom...And boom the erection can fail. This is very common and normal. I feel so much for men during the pause to put on a CONDOM. It signifies a stage entrance literally and at this moment, There's a lot of pressure placed on penetration as being SEX, and orgasm being the prize result.
Placing so much importance on penetration is like only eating the icing on the cake. Great sex is a combination of so many factors. Your presence, playfulness, capacity to feel your partner, communicate your desires and understand what he or she wants is what creates pleasure.
The key is to learn how to awaken pleasure and arousal and to be able to welcome it into your body with ease.
And take ejaculation off the agenda and stay present to what is happening-MOMENT TO MOMENT When a CONDOM is pulled out, it can often create a change in your erection because your arousal may drop as we both have time to think. Thinking can kill arousal. But this thinking and dip in arousal is SO often occurring in females too, but we don't openly see it in women's bodies. But if women did have a penis, then it is very highly probable that we'd experience changes in our erections too. Thoughts like these: * Fear, trepidation, anticipation, lack of confidence, penis shame, am I liked? will I do this well?
* I hope I last! I really like her/ I don't really like her,
* fuck I'm doing this again and I promised I wouldn't on the first date,
Oh not yet I'm not hard enough, I'm too hard, etc...
Any of this familiar? If so, relax, take a breath and open to learning something new... A question that can be asked before moving into sexual encounters with another is: - what will this interaction mean for both people involved? - what will you need after this encounter?
This helps establish what this person wants out of the experience and can clarify for both if you are on the same page. It also establishes trust. We need to support men to feel relaxed, wanted and loved as much as we need that in SEX.
If your partner experiences erectile dysfunction you can try doing this: Lighten the moment up, touch him lovingly, smile into his eyes and to his heart, slow down and know that a loss of erection doesn't equal disinterest.
If you are a penis owner, experiencing erectile dysfunction- please know that your anxiety is likely tied up with your capacity to relax. And with practice you can learn to relax and last longer.
This can be taught through very simple techniques that I teach men easily via zoom and in clinic.
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